Resolve Relationship Problems - Meta Hypnotherapy
Relationship Problems

How neediness and emotional insecurity destroy relationships

"Please, clouds, don't rain!" Not going to work, is it?

And neither will trying to reassure someone who just can't be reassured. They will go on fretting, no matter how you plead.

Chronic insecurity in your relationship is a major problem. Why? Because relationships really, deeply matter. Your health, your wellbeing, your happiness are affected by your relationships more than any other factor. And your most intimate relationships have the biggest effect of all.

It's not just the insecure person who suffers

Feeling insecure in a relationship is horrible for the one who is feeling the insecurity. The burden - of fear and obsessive thoughts, of feeling powerless, of awful awareness that all this insecurity may actually itself be destroying what you treasure most - can feel pretty unbearable.

But it's also tough for the person on the receiving end of all that insecurity. The truth is that being involved with a really insecure person can be hell.

This article highlighted what a common problem insecurity is

I wrote an article a while back on overcoming insecurity in relationships and was inundated with feedback from all over the world. The scores of comments on the article itself were just the tip of the iceberg. My inbox overflowed with hundreds more private emails from people wracked by feelings of relationship insecurity.

Why reassuring your insecure partner is almost a lie

Because 'reassurance' is what insecure people want most, and anyone can say reassuring things, it's all too easy for partners (and friends) to offer reassurances that everything is "really okay" in the relationship even when it isn't.This is a kind of denial. And - ironically - the reasons it might not be okay are often the product of the insecurity itself.

Sometimes the only genuine problem in a relationship is the emotional insecurity of one partner and the effect that has on the relationship as a whole. But it's easy to fall into a pattern of always pretending everything is fine, even when the insecurity becomes really damaging. Such pretense becomes isolating and can drive partners further apart. This is how insecurity can damage or even destroy the relationship.

Relationships thrive on intimacy, and intimacy stems from feeling you can safely be yourself with your partner. So what does it feel like to be in a relationship with a very insecure partner?

Worrying about relationship breakup creates it

Insecurity stemming from a fear of losing intimacy can actually bring on that loss of intimacy. Jake, a former client, described it like this:

"I actually feel totally disconnected from Sara now. She doubts my every word, doesn't believe me when I say I've been working, and constantly misinterprets what I say. It's driving me nuts! And the angrier I get, the more insecure she gets. I can't win! I've tried being sympathetic, but now everything has to be on her terms, I have to ask myself all the time - is this going to upset her or not?"

Jake told me how he had started to feel very lonely in his relationship, like he had no one to talk to, because "Talking to Sara is like walking on egg shells - will I say the wrong thing? Will she take it the wrong way?"

He, like many who are close to someone so insecure, found himself getting more and more emotionally distant from Sara. He felt less able to speak to her about how he felt, and less able to relax around her. Loneliness isn't about being alone so much as feeling alone with others - because you feel misunderstood by them - and that's how Jake now felt with Sara. He'd begun to feel trapped, finding it hard to be around her but also hard not to be around her, because he knew how painful it was for her to be wondering where he was or whom he was with.

The painful truth is that insecurity can lead to the death of intimacy in a relationship - the fear of losing something can actually bring about that loss. Trying to force intimacy or love - demanding to know how someone feels, what they are thinking, who they've been talking to, what they are doing - can just drive them further from you.

So what should you do if you are in a relationship with a really insecure person?

How to tell if you have a truly insecure partner

It's vital to figure out whether the person you are with isgenuinely excessively insecure. Some jealousy and insecurity is actually normal in most relationships from time to time - especially in the early stages. Insecure people are often insecure about their insecurity, because they instinctively know how damaging it can be. But if insecurity is a constant and central feature of the relationship then, yes, it is a problem and a potential cause of breakdown. Of course you can reassure your partner, reason with them, and be gentle and loving toward them, but it's important not to make too many adaptations for them. This was the mistake Jake made. He had completely stopped spending any time with his friends without Sara. He rang her on the hour, every hour, when he had to work late. He told her he loved her so many times a day that it was more like a chore rather than a genuine expression of how he felt. And after a while the relationship no longer felt real to him.

If the relationship becomes all about reassuring and not upsetting the insecure partner, you and your needs get sidelined to the point that the relationship can start to feel meaningless for you. Jake and Sara's relationship only improved once Sara herself addressed her insecurity, and learned to trust and relax more with not "having to know" what Jake was thinking or doing all the time. Her self esteem improved and, in turn, he then felt more valued, and no longer trapped or forced to behave in prescribed ways. At last he was being listened to and respected again.


  1. See: Wikipedia entry: Exposure therapy
  2. See: Wikipedia entry: Flooding


  1. Everyone can be hypnotised to some degree otherwise we couldn't learn or advertising wouldn't work. Take the Hypnosis Quiz Here.
  2. Hypnosis is NOT dangerous. You will always hear everything that is said and awaken when necessary.
  3. When you are hypnotised, you will NOT go to sleep, become unconscious, black out or have amnesia.
  4. Hypnosis is an altered state of consciousness - a "neutral" relaxation similar to meditation. You will have thoughts when you are hypnotised.
  5. Hypnosis is also a learned process, it is improved with repetition. So the more you practice it, the more you will benefit from the process.
  6. Hypnosis is not a trick or a magical force. It is just the strategic manipulation of attention and linguistics which leads to the allegation of cognitive perceptions, beliefs, behaviour an action.
  7. You must allow the hypnotic induction to be a personal pleasure and do not try to help. Simply enjoy following the guiding words of the hypnotist.


For the last 13 years I have served as a Military Officer and a Career Urban Firefighter, I have been using Meta Hypnotherapy for the last 5 years. Dion has always been able to give me cutting edge treatment to combat any form of mental and phyiscal adversity that has crossed my path, whether it be stress, personal development, growth hacking, wealth development, physical development, professional development or dating and relationships. I would recommend Meta Hypnotherapy to anyone that wants to grow, develop, succeed or heal their life in anyway, Dion is one of the best hypnosis practitioners within Australia and is always able and ready to help at anytime I require it.*
H.K. - Everton Park


Dion Borg Hypnotist
My name is Dion Borg, I have been a hypnotist for over 8 years. I decided to study hypnotherapy because I've always been fascinated with how the mind works. And I am passionate about helping people make lasting positive changes in their lives. After training with some of the best hypnotists in the world like Justin Tranz, Freddy and Anthony Jacquin. I founded the Meta Hypnotherapy Clinic in the heart of Brisbane.

I'm happy to say that, so far, I've been able to help dozens of people overcome their bad habits and solve issues like smoking, weight loss, phobias, anxiety, insomnia and depression. As well as improving confidence, relationships, sports performance and achievement of goals.

My practice has been certified by the
IICT and I am fully insured through AON.


Still have questions? Chat with us Online NOW or Email us
IICT Member
*Disclaimer: Results from hypnotherapy may vary from person to person. Success depends on you following the treatment plan and trusting the hypnotist. Please keep in mind that, if you don't want to make positive change in your life, nobody can force you to do it.